No Longer Sedated

I saw this image on social media and it totally explains how I’ve been feeling lately, I thought I’d share.

I can’t even tell y’all how much better I’ve been feeling! I’m actually noticing the benefits of this “brain fry”. No, chronic pain isn’t totally gone but I’m finally seeing the polished side to my life. The depression and hopelessness is much better and I’m better able to keep the chronic pain from taking over. I feel like I’ve been in a sedated pain prison for the past 15 years; sedated in all aspects of my life: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, etc. The pain has lessened enough that it’s manageable and I’m venturing out into the real world again.

Do you want to know what’s throwing me for a loop? Things are so much different in the real world nowadays verses when I first started my stint in pain prison. No wonder I’m so confused and feel like I have to relearn everything again, it’s a weird sense of déjà vu. It’s loud and chaotic now; too much information from too many sources so how do you know what is true?

I guess I’m realizing that everyone should be able to relate to this apple in the mirror picture. Most of us would like to show our shiny, unblemished side to the world. We want to project confidence and perfectionism…and maybe optimism, too? But we all have our battered and bruised side; problems, pains, and fears that others don’t see. Some might only have a small worm hole of problems while others could be bitten all the way to the core. Sometimes we can glimpse that hurt side and sometimes we can’t.

Here is kind of a paradox I’m puzzling over…How do you keep it real and describe the bad side without being a pessimist or without bringing others down? Because I’m seeing so much out there where it seems like people are only showing the bad side; so much anger, hate, sadness, and flat out rudeness that was unacceptable when I first went to pain prison. I definitely don’t want to add to that by blogging about my experiences.

I guess I just want my friends and family who read this to know that I’m trying to find a balance. If I seem overly optimistic by sharing the Disney side of my life stories, please know that I’m not bragging or showing off. There are pros and cons to everything. And on the flip side, if I’m complaining, please remember that there is a shiny good side to my stories somewhere in there, too. Sometimes those are harder for me to see in the moment but eventually I’ll figure it out. 

My goal is to be kind and understanding, to share positivity but still keep it real. Real life is just like the pain prison I’ve been in; there will be good days vs bad days, good people vs not so good people, happy times vs sad times, fun filled days vs pain filled days. Life in the real world is not always fair, it’s not always equal, it doesn’t always make sense in the moment, but it is the same learning experience for everyone.

If all of God’s children are apples and we all work together we can make some pretty dang tasty apple cider, can’t we? Stay happy my friends, it makes everything better!