Being Happy is Possible if We Stop Focusing on the “Others”

Friends, I don’t mean to spam y’all with back to back blogs but I’m feeling anxious about what I posted yesterday. (No surprise, right?) I’m realizing that anxiety is a HUGE problem amongst every land, nation, and people and I really don’t want to add my voice to the chaos and fear out there.

Like I said yesterday, I’m not here to debate or preach; I’m here to detail my journey with chronic pain and how I’ve been able to find happiness. Calming my mind is the first step so maybe that will help y’all too?

Here’s a great article I read this morning if you want to learn calmness:

https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/a-strange-and-holy-calm

And here’s something someone on my emotional support team sent me last week. THESE (yes they are long to listen to but sooo worth it) are what have calmed my anxiety enough that I can focus my mind this morning.

https://faithmatters.org/gods-many-voices-a-conversation-with-s-michael-wilcox/

https://faithmatters.org/gods-many-voices-pt-2-a-conversation-with-michael-wilcox/

Most of you probably know I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. As Michael Wilcox explained, that is my “navigators compass”. But I’m learning I need to draw the circles and not be afraid of questioning.

I think my next saying should be a combination of wisdom I’ve learned and relearned numerous times throughout my life…"Look left, look right, and always look up to know what is best for you and your family. Just because you think it doesn’t make it true and you don’t have to share all your thoughts with the world. Slow down and enjoy the ride.” I think that is too long winded to burn…my newest hobby.

 

And you know what? After reading comments from some of you I’ve learned a lot about reality and what trials people besides me are going through. That is valuable information to my personal growth, development, and happiness. So I’ll probably still share my thoughts with the world but I hope to do better at choosing my words carefully. I’ve learned the hard way through repeated mistakes that my words can hurt, even if I don’t mean them to be offensive.

Maybe I should just burn Being Happy is Possible if We Stop Focusing on the “Others”.

I feel better and less anxious already so now I need to focus and get busy on my chores. It’s fall y’all and there is tons to do around my place so I need to quit “chatting” and get to work!

Being Happy All Day Every Day is not Realistic...my rambling musings

My blogging is non-specific; Sometimes it could be a family newsletter type update, a rant, or my original intent; detailing my journey with chronic pain. On days like today it is a long winded mix of rambling musings about all of the above. 

Don’t we all deal with chronic pain? Sometimes those pains are visible, sometimes they aren’t…actually I’d say most are not. Being happy all day every day is not realistic.

As you know, I’m a middle aged menopausal woman who deals with invisible chronic pain. But I’ve really made advances in that recently. I’m getting my medications right, I’m eating better (Totally disappointed that I can’t eat like I did when I was 20…even more disappointed to think that way of eating probably contributed to my chronic pain issues 😢), I’m moving more, I’m socializing more, and just feel overall joy because I’ve got a great team to help me on this crazy journey of life...which includes most of y’all since it’s mostly friends and family who read this.

I don’t want to debate politics with anyone; I don’t want to preach religion to anyone. I would like to help others feel healthy and happy. I’m personally experiencing debilitating anxiety but like I said, I’ve got a good team who I trust and they are helping me work through it.

I know the chaos, incivility, and ideological differences in America (and throughout the world) are huge triggers for my anxieties. I watched this last night and it sure set me off so you might not want to click on it if you are dealing with anxiety yourself right now.
Watch "Jim Caviezel “The Storm is Upon Us” https://youtu.be/_1CiCur4QVw

I had to really ponder what I was hearing and I’d encourage you to do the same. After thinking about it I decided we’d all feel happier if we Christians (and everyone else no matter their religion) focused on our similarities rather than our differences. We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father and He doesn't want us to fight each other. But I know realistically siblings fight and that doesn't make me happy; just the opposite. I'm thankful to live in a country where I have the freedoms I do and that so many like minded people are willing to fight for their rights if necessary. It causes me dread and anxiety to know that's where we are headed. 😰 Please don't pressure and bad mouth others who don't believe as you do but DO vote and let your voices be heard through your representatives; where I live it is on November 2nd.

Rambling on to a less anxious inducing thought now, phew! Seeing as this is Halloween, I wanted to end on a happier holiday note that focuses on holiday similarities and differences. Did you know that in cultures outside mine they celebrate Day of the Dead? Here’s what I learned: “The Day of the Dead celebrations may coincide with Halloween and seem similar. Both celebrations involve costumes, skeletons, and treats as well as graveyards and death imagery...Rather than displaying grim or gory decorations, Day of the Dead celebrations involve paying respects to loved ones.”

This year I focused more on a fall theme instead of a Halloween spooky scary one; it helped me feel less anxious. But guess what else today is? It’s also two of my TX friends' birthday! It’s always an easy date for me to remember. So I’d like to give a shout out to my friend, Kathy, on her birthday. I’d also like to give a shout out to my friend, Joyce, who passed away a few years after I moved. I found out the hard way, by calling on her birthday and hearing the sad news from her daughter. Don’t worry; Halloween isn’t spoiled for me, especially when I think of it as the other holiday celebration…Day of the Dead. Happy Heavenly Birthday, Joyce!

Do your best to stay happy and as anxious/pain free as possible, whoever you are, whatever you believe, wherever you live, and whatever holidays you celebrate. Love and appreciate your support team. Being Happy All Day Every Day is not Realistic but try to find the joy along the way. (And thanks for "listening" to my rambling musings if you've made it this far.) 😊

It's Always Something

I’m combining my happiness blog/family newsletter again today. Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart; it’s also easier to be happy when you can keep your sense of humor.

Y’all know my life isn’t perfect, no one’s is, and I’m choosing to focus on the positive and the things I can control instead of all the chaos around me. Don’t worry, I’m aware of the chaos, but I can only do what I can do. Same as you.

Today I got all serious minded. I was determined to use my birthday gift without breaking it or anything else. I wanted my mowing job to look decent this time, too. I was very careful. I went very slowly. I tried my best to stay focused and have “situational awareness”. This thing is no toy and it’s very expensive to repair so I needed to leave my phone behind and take this seriously.

I was doing a great job, if I do say so myself. I had a few oops moments but no fence, animal, rock wall, or damage was done. Let me tell you, I was feeling super proud of myself!

I debated on mowing even more than I had planned since everything was going so well. I had brought along an apple for a snack. The weather was great, I had plenty of water, and there was more than enough work to be done from the comfort of this bad boy so I thought about it as I started in on my snack.

Then reality killed the dream. Let me show you what happened. Here’s the Instagram after pic of my great mowing job:

Here’s reality:

Yep, there’s a really good reason why I rarely bite with my front teeth. I’ve been complimented on my beautiful smile but the truth is, some of it is fake and I’ve we’ve had to spend tens of thousands of dollars because of my jaw and teeth issues.

My happiness hack for the day…use dental benefits and get preventative work done if you can. Even if/when you have those benefits, it can still cost more than you ever imagined when there is a major problem so have an emergency fund. Brush, floss, get your teeth cleaned, wear your retainers, and be careful according to your own situation. Don’t swallow the bridge when it comes off (they don't last forever; this isn't the first time this has happened to me and I'm sure it won't be the last), save it, and call your dentist ASAP and hope you are as lucky as me and can get in the next day to get it put back on. (Fingers crossed that goes well and isn’t too expensive. Sigh.) 

It’s always something so learn to laugh and be happy.

It's a Label, Be Yourself, Be Happy

We are all given labels...some rightfully so and some not. Guess what? I'm choosing to be happy. Let me tell you guys a little story... 

My brother and I are pretty close in age and some of my earliest memories of being self conscious are because of my hair in this picture right here.

Yep, my mom often got asked if my brother and I were twins. One time a lady was chatting with my brother and nicely asked him, "Is that your older brother?" He innocently and sweetly responded, "No, that's my big SISTER!" 

So my haircut and clothes didn't define me instantly as a girl. It sure bothered me then, I've always had long hair because of that. Now I don't get mistaken for a boy...but so what if I were? I can be happy in my own skin.

My happiness hack has worked, friends. A couple times now I've been mistaken for a nurse or someone who works in the medical field because I've been wearing scrubs in public. Earlier this week I wore jeans for the first time in months. I also had on boots, a button down shirt, and I was wearing a baseball hat because my hair was a hot mess. I was waiting in line in town and some older fellow asked if I was wearing horse riding boots. My answer? "If that's what it looks like, then sure!" We both chuckled at that. If he only he knew how far from a cowgirl I really am! I was flattered by those labels. 

I'll have to admit there have been times I've gone out in public in my pajamas because "normal" clothes were too uncomfortable and I didn't have anything else to wear. Then I was super self conscious because I really don't want the label "a person of Walmat" but guess what? Does it really matter?

People never know what your story is. They don't know your labels and why you do what you do and you don't have to explain them to be happy.

I'm now a middle aged grandma going through menopause. I'm also a middle aged woman who is getting off of medication that has kept me in a sedated state for a long, long time. I needed them at the time but I don't now. And I'm much happier.

People in town now might see a middle aged "nurse" dancing in her car to some good old 80's, 90's, and Pop 2K music. I'll just smile and wave...and try not to get too distracted because y'all, fall is gorgeous where I live! Check this out:

People might label me "smart", "crazy", "old lady", "Boomer", "conservative", "religious", "Karen", "disabled", or whatever but I know those closest to me love me for who I am. And I'm trying to let others know I'm happy and doing my best to love them for who they are, too. I don't know all your labels and I don't need to.

I'm keeping busy and having fun doing the crafting thing again, it's been a long time. No, I'm not going into business because I don't have to (thank goodness). I can't even with all the tax laws, shipping fees, rules and regulations, and profit margins etc. But if you're one of my friends or neighbors, there is no telling what I'll think of next to give you. Could be food I've made or something I won't get to in time (it's hard learning to cook for 2 instead of 6), a kids book I find funny, or whatever. It's always something I think you'll like so even if it's homemade, leftover, regifted, or made from recycled or reclaimed parts and pieces, please know I'm thinking of you and want you to be happy.

I'll toot my own horn a little and show you some of my more recent crafting gifts because I'm proud like that 😊

And here's what I did on the home front. When you have to put up an electric fence to keep the deer away from your flowerbed, why not spruce it up a little with fake flowers? Here's a before and after:

Call me a redneck or call me clever, whatever. I'm having fun and I think it's cute. 

Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart...or whatever label you are given. Happy Fall Y'all! 

Ladies, I Could Use Some Advice

My sister-in-law cracks me up! My daughter and I were visiting over the weekend and my daughter shuddered as S-I-L and I were animatedly discussing her husband’s video of her recent medical procedure. What can I say; we love that kind of stuff! My daughter, not so much. She just shakes her head and puts up with us.

S-I-L calls those her “senior pictures”. Ha ha ha! If that’s the case I just received notification in the mail that it’s time for me to get those “senior pictures” taken again…in the form of a mammogram. Hmm, these senior pictures are offered every.single.year and they aren’t the fun kind like the ones you took once in high school. 😜

You young friends/readers can shake your head and stop reading now but you middle aged folks (who are my age) and beyond know the struggle. Getting older is no joke but we have to laugh about it because we are all going through it. Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart but it’s also better being happy if you can laugh about life and have fun with it.

Why do people in our society only seem to joke about the realities of mid-life crises? Because they don’t want to over share? Because they are embarrassed or self-conscious? Because they don’t want to admit their age? Come on y'all, let’s normalize what is healthy and normal and help each other out.

Because ladies, menopause is kicking my butt! I have family members I’ve turned to first for advice but those lucky ladies don’t struggle with the issues I’m currently struggling with. (Or they do and they are as frustrated as I am without knowing what to do.) Maybe it’s because of medications they take? Don’t know but I’m really trying not to start another prescription so I’ll reach out to my community of friends who might have some practical, non drug type solutions that have worked for them instead of going to my primary care physician. He’s already offered drugs but I’ll only use that as a last resort. (I promise not to blog about every single one of y’alls comments. Heck, depending on what they are I might not even want to try them!)

What are bothering me so bad are anxiety/panic attacks, insomnia, mood swings, and the dreaded night sweats. All you ladies out there, who don’t deal with night sweats, count your lucky stars because they are DISGUSTING!

I have always had a hard time sleeping and at this age you can say a prayer of gratitude if you actually make it through the whole night without having to get up to go to the bathroom. (I shudder at the phrase “sleep like a baby” cuz y’all, no, I’m not about to concede and wear an adult diaper at night. I’ll continue to get up thank you very much.) Here’s the dilemma I find myself in…I need to sleep with it cooler but then when I wake up, usually having a bad dream, I’m drenched in sweat and soaking wet. Getting up and using the cold bathroom now has me shivering and freezing cold but still hot on the inside.

(Thankfully I have a king sized bed so no way am I changing the sheets in the middle of the night, I’d never get back to sleep, so I’ll just scoot over and find a dry spot. You might be saying “Eww, gross!” but if you deal with it, too, you know exactly what I mean! My advice, make sure you have a couple extra sets of sheets and pajamas when you go through menopause because no one wants to have do laundry every single day. Last night I tried something new, I put my robe at the bottom of the bed under the covers so I’d have something warm to slip into when I need to get up. It actually kinda helped.)

I get back to bed but now I’m wide awake and the anxiety kicks in. My body feels hot on the inside but freezing cold and shivering on the outside. Does not make a good night’s sleep and sleep is KEY to my health and happiness.

So ready, set, go, friends! Give me your advice and/or links of stuff you’ve tried to help you get through this. My doctor said it’s a process and could take up to 10 years! 😓 Let’s help each other through this chapter, ladies, and try to stay happy. Not easy to do when your hormones are fluctuating wildly.

My Long Winded Answer

Thank you, Jennifer, for your comment. Right now I’m an open book so I’d love to tell you my interpretation of President Russell M Nelson’s quote, “If most of the information you get comes from social or other media, your ability to hear the whisperings of the Spirit will be diminished.”

Be warned everyone reading this, I can’t tell a short story to save my life 😀

Y’all know a lot of my health history if you’ve read this blog so you are aware that I was severely challenged and bedridden for a number of years; I still am sometimes. My social interaction has been very limited and for the past 15 years or so I’ve done most of my interaction via technology.

Now don’t get me wrong, I am so thankful to have this ability! That wouldn’t have been the case for the generation just before me. I realize that and I am grateful. But in not talking to people face to face I think my perception of reality was stunted. Add to that the fact that I couldn’t attend church in person and I feel like I was spiritually stunted as well. (Thank you, COVID, for bringing some pros into my life; I’m loving being able to participate with the world virtually and not feel like a social outcast!)

Social media and other technology platforms will give you suggestions of content you might like based on what you view and click on. When you become one sided in your thinking and information gathering you aren’t balanced. I’ve finally been able to see that I’ve been unbalanced for a while and I’m trying to do better. A computer algorithm “teaching” you is polarizing and you aren’t necessarily finding TRUTH.

One of the cons of current technology is that any and everyone can spout their opinions, philosophies, and interpretations as fact online. I’ve been told by a counselor that eye witness testimony is the worst testimony for convicting someone in court because it is the least reliable. Why? Because two people can see and hear the exact same event but come away with different “truths” based on their own personal experiences, beliefs, prejudices, culture, etc etc.

I’ve been listening to others (doctors, politicians, religious leaders, celebrities, etc) as I did as a child growing up in the 70’s; that is if you see it and or read it, it is TRUTH. You don’t question your elders and you treat them respectfully.

There is real TRUTH but it is what it is and usually we don’t understand all of it. There’s no shame in that, that’s what life is all about…learning and growing. No one knows all the reasons for why people say what they say and do what they do. I can look left, right, and every which way in my search for TRUTH but ultimately I need to reach up to God to find His way for me.

I still believe you need to treat your elders (and everyone else) respectfully. Everyone has their own important priorities/causes; our personal status, strengths and weaknesses, religion, race, culture, health, yada yada yada influences those. Right now I sense a lot of anger and hostility worldwide. I have to wonder if a lot more people than just me need to be reminded to calm down and stop being so anxious in life. Look right and left but don’t forget to look up and then listen for the Spirit as you search for the TRUTH for you and your family. You’ll feel a lot happier…or at least I am.

So there you go, there’s my long winded explanation of what my thoughts are about that quote and why I really like this photo.

Let's all calm down while we continue standing up

Life is not always humorous, that’s ok, it’s not meant to be. There are times for humor and laughter; there are times for seriousness and debate. Today is going to be one of the latter.

I’ve been dealing with debilitating anxiety and panic attacks recently; I’m definitely not happy in those moments! Negative thoughts and my worst fears torment me, it is my own version of hell on earth and my heart aches for others who experience this regularly.

I read this recently, ‘“Scholars tell us that in 2014 one in five of the U.S. population between the ages of 18 to 25 had a mental illness. This reaches down to younger ages and causes overall anxieties and significant overload among mental health counselors. We are told that between 2008 and 2016, there was a 40 percent increase in college students being diagnosed or treated for depression, and a 70 percent increase in diagnosis of or treatment for anxiety. Truly these are different times for your generation…” https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/ensign/2020/02/what-church-leaders-are-saying-about-mental-health?lang=eng

I’d say! And I’m afraid it’s only going to get worse. I saw this meme on FB recently: 

This was my comment: "Tbh I'm also ashamed of some of my fellow Americans actions. I get that people are afraid, and angry, and feel like their voices aren't being heard. How can we not feel that way when it seems like the government, who is in charge of writing the rules, won't even follow them themselves! Definitely vote for candidates you trust and who share your values in what will help heal our country. Definitely speak up when you have a chance. But the violence, rudeness, and incivility that reigns today is saddening to me. How can we expect patience, kindness, tolerance, respect, and Christ like love from our children when many adults don't practice it themselves?"

Now don’t get me wrong, my intent in writing this blog is not to have a religious and/or political debate. Those tend to get too heated and emotional and with my anxiety flaring up there is no way that would be good for my mental health. (Hmm, maybe there is a pattern there for everyone else, too? Just sayin.)

Part of the problem (again imo) is that we are overloaded with information. Technology is great but it can be overwhelming to those of us “old folks” who are used to getting the world’s information from only the nightly news, books from the library, encyclopedias, or by word of mouth. Technology is a tool, it has no inherent good or bad, it is our intent and how we use it that matters.

I’m lifting my voice amongst the chaos to try to do good by sharing what is working for me in my search of happiness. I don’t expect you to take my advice, I’m not preaching to you, I’m just sharing and recognizing that we all have different experiences and need to find our OWN happiness along the journey of this crazy thing we call life.

Blah blah blah, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t get out much socially due to my current life circumstances so I find a lot of my information through technology. (Hmm, again there seems to be a pattern in this for everyone else, too!) What I find when it comes to current events and “news” sends my anxiety into high gear and I can only stomach it so long.

I don’t want to send anyone else into panic attacks but come on, ignorance is bliss and knowledge is power. We can’t shouldn't bury our heads in the sand to protect our feelings (sometimes we can should for our mental health, though). There are so many good and decent causes to fight for…and when I say “fight” I mean verbally discussing/debating, not physical violence or rudeness.

One that is near and dear to me is the safety of children. They have no voice legally; they are children, so we need to voice their opinions and what we feel is best for them. Tactfully. Lovingly. Truthfully.

Here are some troubling videos/articles I have found recently, feel free to check them out when you have a few minutes and aren’t easily triggered.

https://www.facebook.com/GlennBeck/videos/2518401751623932

https://www.yahoo.com/now/loudoun-county-school-district-breaks-185153597.html

https://www.facebook.com/devinsieboldcomedy/videos/169939625309655/

I used to be a public school teacher and a close family member is one currently. Y’all, the difference 30 years make is incredible! I can relate to this teacher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1gjUkKzGn4 but not this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1Wb3VsE1yI

(My happiness hack…watch more of this second teacher’s videos on YouTube under Bored Teachers, she’s hilarious!)

Here’s another reality check from that funny teacher: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L3fSze6rU20

Can you imagine the reality check if teachers did what the Southwest Airlines pilots are doing? Could you blame them? If you’ve read these articles and watched the videos combined with your own experiences, I think you’d say no. It’d sure put our society in chaos (Hmm, did we not get a mini taste of what that’d be like the past 2 years?).

I can’t tell you what is best for your child(ren) just like you can’t tell me what is best for mine. But let’s be adults, let’s show good examples to the children of how you should handle fear and anxiety and differences of opinions because they are watching and they ARE learning. The future is going to be just as chaotic, if not more so, for them.

And one more quote I’d like to share that brings me peace: “If most of the information you get comes from social or other media, your ability to hear the whisperings of the Spirit will be diminished,” President Russell M Nelson https://newsroom.churchofjesuschrist.org/article/what-did-the-prophet-teach-at-general-conference

Calm down and try to find your own happiness hacks while you continue standing up for what is right. 

PS: As an update, my scrubs Happiness Hack worked better than expected! Remember when I said I wear scrubs when my fibromyalgia makes wearing other clothes uncomfortable? It’s much more socially acceptable than going out in my pajamas. (Yes, I have done that, too.) This week I had a dr’s appointment and I wore my scrubs. I also had on my alpha-stim for anxiety, which is a medical device that you can see being worn but you aren’t quite sure what it is if you've never seen one before

, and a face mask. The phlebotomist taking my blood asked if she knew me from somewhere…like maybe one of the other nursing homes she works for. 

Ha ha, that’s a definite nope! But I’m flattered that she thought I looked “professional”…and smart enough to be in the medical field. It’s easy to say people’s opinions of what you look like shouldn’t matter but come on; we all do a little bit 😊