Happiness Hack...Find the humor

I started this blog 6 years ago as a way to talk about my life changing experience after a “cocktail infusion” for chronic pain. It’s kind of morphed into a family newsletter and that’s ok.

I am a talker and an open book. I don’t mind sharing my experiences if those experiences can help someone else. I don’t get to socialize much because of my health issues and because I live out in the middle of nowhere so my way of chatting is through emails and social media. Being happy is what’s most important to all of us really, isn’t it? So that’s what I hope this blog is remembered for, my happiness hacks. Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart, Being Happy is Better Than Being Rich, Being Happy is Better Than Being Famous, Being Happy is Better Than…you fill in the blank for what fits you and your stage of life.

I don’t need to be a famous blogger, don’t even want it. Just know that I’m not in this for the likes or shares or popularity or whatever because sure, I like when people share my sense of humor but I’m not going to worry about being super PC and tiptoe around to avoid offending someone because my audience is friends and family. I do a good enough job of unintentionally offending them so I KNOW I’d put my foot in my mouth chatting to the whole world. Sheesh, that’s part of the problem today imo. People get too offended and are quick to show it. Slow down and hear both sides. My opinion is that there are two sides to every story and the truth is usually somewhere in the middle.

I’m no comedian but humor helps keep me happy. I still have chronic health issues but come on, don’t we all?  Some of us just have more invisible “disabilities” than others. Learn to love yourself, learn to laugh at yourself, learn to laugh about the world because sometimes you need to or you’ll go crazy. There is only so much you have control over so do your best.

Now that that’s out of the way, let me tell you about my newest challenge. The migraines and fibromyalgia have become manageable for now but a new problem has appeared, anxiety/panic attacks. Folks, this stuff hurts just as much as physical pain! I hate being out of control of my thoughts and not being able to talk myself through my worst fears. Talking about it is my therapy and I think it’s helpful that other people know they aren’t the only ones struggling with it. So let me tell you some things I am trying to do to stay happy while I figure out how to deal with anxiety.

I’m trying to go back to the basics, the stuff you know already but you could get away without doing when you were younger and could handle more stress (or at least I could.) For me that includes eating regularly, taking my vitamins, exercising (which is more stretching instead of step aerobics or zumba unfortunately), daily prayer and scripture study, daily service, and getting the sleep I need. (Yes, I realize and am thankful that I don't have to be in the working world. I've done the research and it seems like most "invisible" disabilities require a lot of paperwork and even lawyers to get the label so you can get financial help.) I’m also using an Alpha-Stim machine to try to cut back on some of the medications I take. Here’s a link to that if you are interested https://www.alpha-stim.com/. Here’s also a great relaxation video you can listen to if you need it https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M1okOQpAD1I&t=1973s.

I had a pretty bad anxiety/panic attack yesterday; I think it’s my body’s way of saying “too much”. I'm learning that if “too much” is caused by something I am doing I can stop at the slightest hint of anxiety and try to focus on something else. But if that “too much” is caused by medication there is nothing I can do but ride it out. Those are the hardest! I’ve been to a great therapist who has given me tools to help combat the crippling fear during these attacks. Sometimes the attacks can last hours, sometimes days. They are my own personal hell and I wouldn’t wish them on anyone! It’s my worst fears come to life in my mind. Shudder, I’m not going to focus on those because even remembering causes me to feel the anxiety right now.

So instead I’m going to focus on my kind of humor…which usually involves pictures. What can I say, I'm a visual learner and maybe you are, too. Welcome to the images that come to my mind. You’re welcome 😜

(Remember, this blog's audience is family and friends and I like to keep it clean. Don't share any inappropriate pics that might come to your mind because I'll delete those. Just saying.)

Someone close to me is a middle school teacher and I’ve heard quite a few stories of what it’s like teaching tweens and teens now a days. Yikes, so different than what I taught years ago in first grade Special Ed! One thing her school has implemented in their dress code is a ban against durags and bonnets. Now y’all, I went to school in the 70’s and 80’s and the first image to come to my mind was this:

Ha, ha, there is NO way this is what she was talking about! So my next question was, “What’s a bonnet?” and she explained it to me as best she could.

This is the image that came to my mind:

Again, I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed but I am pretty sure this is not what she was talking about, either.

Fast forward to this morning after my bad panic attack and I’m on an emotional high because the attack is over and I got a good night’s sleep. It’s much easier for me to be happy and find humor when I’m not anxious and tired.

So here you go, friends and family, my kind of humor that I shared with this teacher. I texted this:

“Ha ha, just bought these over the weekend at Dollar Tree. A bonnet is a shower cap! Here’s my middle aged white woman’s version. Not cool! These middle schoolers will look back and laugh at themselves someday…while we laugh at them now.”

(Btw, the reason I happen to have that ridiculous pink shower cap is because I use a hot bath as a pain tool. My hair is super thick and usually it’s long so I don’t want it getting caught up in the jets of the tub. I’m cheap frugal so I buy the least expensive thing I can find. No way am I wearing that thing out in public!)

Her reply, “Bonnets are different than shower caps. They’re silky and keep your hair hydrated. But they do look like shower caps.”

So while the tub was filling I had a little more fun laughing at myself. Again, you’re welcome because if you like to compare yourself against other people I’m your go to girl. 😏

(Note to self: these bonnets are definitely NOT shower caps so I need to go find me the plastic ones before my pink one’s elastic totally gives out. I can use these when my hair is long again and I want to do overnight heatless curls.)

Her response to these gems, “Wow, these pictures are something” 😂

“Exactly the point. Someday these middle schoolers will look back and say, ‘What was I thinking?’ just like we look back at the big 80’s hair and laugh. But if that’s what all your friends are wearing, too, doesn’t that automatically make it cool? Maybe to their peers but no one else. Or maybe nobody else even cares now a days? Maybe schools pick to fight this battle because they are worried about weapons being hidden? Who knows?”

To be thorough, here’s what we looked like in middle and high school back in the 80’s:

Yep, we laugh now but we were dead set that the higher the hair the more popular we would be and the better we looked. I'll have you know that hair of mine took three perms and almost two hours of work to achieve. What a waste of my time!

I guess I’m sharing this because Being Happy is knowing when to pick your battles. There really are some cute bonnets and durags out there today imo (and some of those 80's hairstyles aren't too bad either).

I’m pretty sure those are still out of my comfort zone to wear in public but I have started wearing ball caps.

Hats were not allowed in schools back in my day, either, but let me tell show you why they are worn for good reason:

But hey, I’m not a current middle school teacher dealing with the fear of gun shootings and what not. I didn’t have to worry about gangs and/or inappropriate wording or “triggering” logos on hats when I taught; it was all Barney and Lamb Chop stuff for my students. So the schools of today have to decide what’s best for them.

Stay Happy by finding the humor and not being afraid to laugh at yourself. Learn the reasons behind decisions and you’ll be happier, too. Those are my hacks for today.

I can only laugh...and thankfully, so does he!

 A comedian could have a blast at my expense. No, I would laugh with him because really, I'd cry if I didn't. Guess what? My husband isn't a comedian either and thankfully, he can laugh with me when it comes to my mistakes.

If you follow me on Facebook you know my many blunders when it comes to me and lawn mowers. Seriously, it blows my mind! You know that knew fancy lawn mower Hubs got me for my 50th birthday? The one that is enclosed and has an air conditioner so I don't have to take a Benadryl before I mow? The one with the bigger deck so I don't have to spend so many hours outside because it's hard on my body? Well...I cringe to admit that just recently I took my first solo run and did some damage. Heh, heh, heh. That's the sound of cringy laughter.

We noticed the front lawn didn't look so great, it was uneven and very choppy. Today Hub's announced he would take his lunch hour mowing. He's a great guy, right? Doing it so I don't have to. But when he started he noticed it wasn't cutting correctly. The grass was lopsided and just not right. Thankfully the guy is good great at figuring out what's wrong and fixing things. This is how I saw him outside:

Apparently I had completely bent the middle blade and it was unfixable. This man has Godly love and patience my friends. He also knows me too well so he already had bought replacement blades and had them on hand. He lovingly and quietly replaced the blade and then got to mowing. He gently suggested I not mow the really tall stuff, just let him do that since I can't see the big rocks. 

Guess what we did Saturday? He let me drive the big blue tractor (I really DO love driving the big equipment) following him around the place while he did all the hard physical labor of picking up rocks, branches, and debris that is too big to mowed over. 

How did I get so lucky? The man really is a Saint! We used to always joke that kids are around to ruin your stuff and we looked forward to the day we would be empty nesters so we could have nice things. We do have an empty nest now, we do have nice stuff, but there's no end in sight of them staying pristine and new like.

It's very frustrating to me. I want to help, I want to be productive, I want to be a team player with Hubs. I, too, want nice things! My physical "disabilities" prevent me from doing a lot of the manual labor part. This place is too big for one person to keep up and I beat myself up mentally for not helping as much as I'd like to. I feel bad making him do all the hard work. But this great man, MY great man, has helped me see that we can adapt and find different ways for me to help out around "the farm". 

He buys the best machines he can find and then adapts them as necessary so I can use them. He makes me feel useful when I drive the tractor and tells me how much of a help it is. He laughs with me instead of at me so we can laugh together over my goofs. I am so thankful to have him! (And we stay sane by not having animals around "the farm". Good grief, that is way too much work for him when he still has a full time job!)

I'm doing my best to stay happy and I try to share some happiness hacks. Don't we all need that amidst the chaos and anger of the world today? So here's today's hack: Find out what you are good at (your gifts/talents) and focus on that. Remember that some people might not enjoy your gift, they may even re-gift it, and that's ok. Intent matters. 

Also remember that your gifts/talents will change over time. If you need your hair braided or a fancy updo I'm your go to girl. It was perfect in Austin, TX but around here in the middle of nowhere, not so much. I'm good at paying the bills and keeping the laundry done (as long as you don't expect me to pretreat, empty your pockets and/or iron), I make some good Mexican food, and if you ever need a penpal, I can "talk" your ear off. 

A comedian I'm not. I also think I wouldn't make a good landscaper. I'll consider myself more of a life coach as I share my happiness hacks. You're welcome ;)

Beach Vacation

Lately I've been writing newsletters for my children since they all live away from home. It's easier to just copy and paste here in my blog so here you go:

Get ready for a lot of pictures; I had an awesome vacation this past week with my mom, sisters, and Jessica and Abby. I would share more pictures but these are ladies I love and I wouldn’t throw them under the bus by over sharing swim pics…they’d better have the same respect!

Kelly found this rental house right on the beach in SC, check it out: https://beachfrontmyrtle.lodgify.com/

This was our view from the master bedroom, the bottom level porch where they had a water spigot to rinse off sand, the top level screened in back porch, and back porch that led to the beach:

It was a ton of stairs for the week but oh, so worth it! The kitchen was stocked with new knives that Dad would have been proud of because they were so sharp, beach chairs, wave boards, and a beach umbrella. We used them all.

One afternoon Grandma, Aunt Kelly, and I were sitting under the umbrella on the beach while Jessica and Aunt Theresa were out in the water. I noticed a lot of people getting out of the water and congregating about 50 yards to our side where a couple was fishing from the shore. He was holding up what looked like a shark! Kelly and I grabbed our phones and went running over just as he threw it back into the water. Yep, his wife had caught a hammerhead from the shore! (I guess I never realized they had tongues that would stick out.)

 Aunt Theresa noticed us running (I think we must have looked like sexy babes auditioning for Baywatch as we ran but Theresa was cracking up and said No, we definitely did not). She also noticed what the guy was holding so she and Jessica hurried out of the water. No big deal, the shark was little and this was his natural home. Of course he was going to come investigate when the woman was using chum for bait. We were back in the water within 15 minutes. (Side note: The guy lying under the umbrella next to us not only knew where Goshen, VA was but he’s driven through it many times! What are the odds of that!?! He and his wife were super sweet and helped us get our umbrella back up after it blew away. What can I say; I’m from the mountains so beach stuff is foreign to me.)

 We never saw any more sharks but we did see dolphins jumping not too far away from us and twice Kelly was surrounded by schools of fish.

 One day the waves were intense, here’s Aunt Theresa about to be bowled over. We all swallowed a lot of sea water that day and had our sinuses cleaned out but it was oh so fun imo. And here are my sunburned legs I got day one.

We found fun shells to collect, I had plenty of hair to braid and play with (isn’t Grandma’s hair amazing?!?), we played lots of card games and read books, and even had a spa day with manicures and massages.

Of course we had to try out the local seafood buffet, Crabby Mike’s. It was delicious and so much fun to get out of our comfort zone and try new foods.

This was for sure one of my favorite vacations! Now I’m home and having the typical crash but I’m happy to admit that it’s not nearly as bad as what I’m used to after traveling. This is great news because I’m actually feeling up to a Costco run later this week. Y’all know how much I love me a Costco run.

  Love you all,

Mom

PS: You should ask Amanda about her teaching career; she’s got some wild stories to tell!

 

Rednecking at its finest!

I married a redneck and I love it! You guys, really, I am so impressed by my husband and his brother. Jonathan came for the weekend to help David install the lights in his shop. Unfortunately the tallest ladder we have was not tall enough or sturdy enough for two grown men to use. If you look in the background of this picture you can see what I’m talking about; it's propped up against the wall. So you know what these guys did? They turned an old pallet and some extra lumber we had lying around into a basket that they strapped on to a farm tractor. Btw, this farm tractor is not ours, it belongs to another brother. 

Can I just tell you how proud I was of myself for driving this tractor over to our house? It's a stick shift but it’s got air conditioning in there you guys! I did get a few double takes from some men who were pulled over on the side of the road directing traffic, I think it’s because they weren’t expecting to see a woman driving that beast. Ha ha, I loved it! As one of my daughters would say, I got to add some points to my man card. :) To give you some perspective of the size of this thing, here is me (trying to avoid the cow poop because this is a farm tractor after all.)

You know I had to try out the lift, here’s proof I went up in it one time. Let’s just say I don’t like heights and there is no way I was going up and down in that thing all day.

I helped by documenting the day and being the gopher…you know, making trips back and forth to get stuff they needed. (In full honesty I have to admit I made all those trips on the 4 wheeler because come on, I do have fibromyalgia so I can’t overdo it physically without paying a high physical pain cost. It’s my way of modern day “farming”…minus the animals.)

Here’s a picture of the men at work and the job completed. (I added a video to Facebook if you want to watch it and see how David got in and out of that basket. Shudder!)

I hate to admit that an animal was harmed in the day’s adventure (and both guys drew blood on fingers but they were patched up with band aids so nbd.) This is probably TMI but its reality. I was helping them sweep up at the end of the day when I saw this on the shop floor:

It’s a newborn rabbit I think. Of course no momma rabbit was anywhere near all the noise and commotion and no way would she choose a concrete floor to give birth. I did notice a rabbit strangely close to our garage near the house every time I went outside. The only thing I can think is that she gave birth in some tall grass near there and I must have accidently run over her nest on one of my 4 wheeler trips. This little baby must have gotten stuck in one of the tire grooves and made the ride out to the shop. Oops, I felt bad! Accidents do happen, I just feel like I'm more accident prone than most. :(

Well done David and Jonathan, I can’t believe y’all got it done in one day! 

 

No Longer Sedated

I saw this image on social media and it totally explains how I’ve been feeling lately, I thought I’d share.

I can’t even tell y’all how much better I’ve been feeling! I’m actually noticing the benefits of this “brain fry”. No, chronic pain isn’t totally gone but I’m finally seeing the polished side to my life. The depression and hopelessness is much better and I’m better able to keep the chronic pain from taking over. I feel like I’ve been in a sedated pain prison for the past 15 years; sedated in all aspects of my life: physically, emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, socially, etc. The pain has lessened enough that it’s manageable and I’m venturing out into the real world again.

Do you want to know what’s throwing me for a loop? Things are so much different in the real world nowadays verses when I first started my stint in pain prison. No wonder I’m so confused and feel like I have to relearn everything again, it’s a weird sense of déjà vu. It’s loud and chaotic now; too much information from too many sources so how do you know what is true?

I guess I’m realizing that everyone should be able to relate to this apple in the mirror picture. Most of us would like to show our shiny, unblemished side to the world. We want to project confidence and perfectionism…and maybe optimism, too? But we all have our battered and bruised side; problems, pains, and fears that others don’t see. Some might only have a small worm hole of problems while others could be bitten all the way to the core. Sometimes we can glimpse that hurt side and sometimes we can’t.

Here is kind of a paradox I’m puzzling over…How do you keep it real and describe the bad side without being a pessimist or without bringing others down? Because I’m seeing so much out there where it seems like people are only showing the bad side; so much anger, hate, sadness, and flat out rudeness that was unacceptable when I first went to pain prison. I definitely don’t want to add to that by blogging about my experiences.

I guess I just want my friends and family who read this to know that I’m trying to find a balance. If I seem overly optimistic by sharing the Disney side of my life stories, please know that I’m not bragging or showing off. There are pros and cons to everything. And on the flip side, if I’m complaining, please remember that there is a shiny good side to my stories somewhere in there, too. Sometimes those are harder for me to see in the moment but eventually I’ll figure it out. 

My goal is to be kind and understanding, to share positivity but still keep it real. Real life is just like the pain prison I’ve been in; there will be good days vs bad days, good people vs not so good people, happy times vs sad times, fun filled days vs pain filled days. Life in the real world is not always fair, it’s not always equal, it doesn’t always make sense in the moment, but it is the same learning experience for everyone.

If all of God’s children are apples and we all work together we can make some pretty dang tasty apple cider, can’t we? Stay happy my friends, it makes everything better!

Farming Adventure: The Shop

My husband’s birthday, father’s day, Christmas, and every other gift for the year next 5 years is finally ready to be revealed. Of course it’s not completed yet…but at least I’ll have more to write about at a later date. J

Remember, the original barn started out looking like this:

 

 By the end of June it looked like this, a huge slab of concrete:

 

I have to admit, this was the most disappointing stage in the game. The concrete has some cracks in it and it’s not exactly level. Super disappointed about that because it does come into play later. And yes, these were “professionals” who do this for a living.

At the beginning of August the new shop was put up. Y’all, huge shout out to pre-fab buildings! We ordered this thing months ago and it was drawn up with everything ready to go in pieces. We’ve had a home built before (and lots of upgrades of existing homes) and this was smooth sailing in comparison!

A crew of 5 men showed up on a Monday morning and they were finished by Friday evening. I never would have believed it had I not seen it with my own two eyes. Yes, I set a tripod up in an upstairs window and put the zoom lens on my camera so I could take pics every few hours. What can I say; I’m a creeper like that. J It’s called modern day journaling my friends.

Here’s the process in pictures:

They brought their own equipment and didn’t have to borrow our stuff. Now these guys were professional! They laughed and chatted amongst themselves, singing along to their radio, they had all the nuts and bolts and whatevers they needed; not a once did I have to run in to town to Lowe’s to grab something they forgot. Amazing!

You know I wasn’t content only taking pictures from the window. They were good sports about letting me snap away throughout the week.

 

To be fair, the crew lived about 3 ½ hours away so they stayed at a hotel in the main town about 30 minutes away the entire week. It was still foggy/misty when they’d show up about 7:00am and the sun would be setting when they left about 12 hours later.

Welcome to your new home, shop! Four RV sized garage doors in front, one single garage door on the side closest to the house, a man door on each side, and one window.

If you look closely you’ll be able to see the frustration of not having a level, smooth slab of concrete. See how the doors have gaps at the bottom? It was a nightmare for the installers and we do get water pooling in when it rains. Grrr! Another project for another day to fix that.

 

Here’s an idea of the size of this thing, look at my lawnmower tucked away all tiny looking in the corner.

Why on earth do we need a shop this big? It’s a guy thing I guess. J No, really, Hubs wants to put a lift in it to rebuild a truck and do vehicle maintenance. He also plans on putting in shelves and work tables for all his tools. Now we’ll have a place to park all the extra farm equipment and cars that don’t fit in the garage. Don’t you worry; we’ll have it filled soon enough.

The shop itself is put up, gutters are on, the excavation work and gravel is almost all completed (enough that we can drive things in it now), and the next step is installing electricity and lights. Oh, and to make it more friendly for me, Hubs is planning on putting in a garage door opener for the single garage door. I say it’s his shop but I’m sure I’ll enjoy it, too.

Who woulda thunk this city girl would have so much fun out in the country?