Abortion

Yep, I am going there. This subject is so so so dear to me. I love life. All life. Even mine and I consider myself somewhat "special needs". You don't? That's fine. But you can't convince me that neither you or myself or anyone else is "special needs". Huh? Why would I ever say that?

Because I am special...to someone. You are special...to someone. Obama is special...to far too many people. Same with The Donald. So are mass murderers. So are little kids...the little boy who washed up on the beach because his family was trying to escape persecution. All the people who lost their lives 13 years ago in New York and on airplanes. And yes, those terrorists had proud and sad family members left behind, too.

What does that have to do with abortion? EVERYTHING! We are all children of a Heavenly Father who loves us. You may not believe it and you may not agree with me. That's ok. I feel sorry for you. I pity you. I'm not ashamed to admit you are wrong in your thinking. I'm not judging you, I'm calling you uneducated. 

Yep, I just called you ignorant. Are you offended? I'm sorry if you are but this is one subject where I feel I have more knowledge than you. I'll be the first to admit that I'm ignorant on lots of subjects...I'll even admit I don't have the best dance moves and don't deserve to be famous and make lots of money on youtube because of those dance moves. Darn it! But I really don't think a lot of the rich and famous SHOULD be rich and famous for their dance moves, either. I feel embarrassed and saddened for them and their families. At least I wear clothes and you'll never see me dancing on youtube without them. Shudder! Yes, all of us can heave a literal sigh of relief!

I see so many FB posts and pictures. I comment on so many of them. And today I applied a lot of them to the subject of abortion. Please take a look.

In a mother’s womb were two babies. One asked the other: 
“Do you believe in life after delivery?” The other replied, “Why, of course. There has to be something after delivery. Maybe we are here to prepare ourselves for what we will be later.”
“Nonsense” said the first. “There is no life after delivery. What kind of life would that be?”
The second said, “I don’t know, but there will be more light than here. Maybe we will walk with our legs and eat from our mouths. Maybe we will have other senses that we can’t understand now.”
The first replied, “That is absurd. Walking is impossible. And eating with our mouths? Ridiculous! The umbilical cord supplies nutrition and everything we need. But the umbilical cord is so short. Life after delivery is to be logically excluded.”
The second insisted, “Well I think there is something and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we won’t need this physical cord anymore.”
The first replied, “Nonsense. And moreover if there is life, then why has no one has ever come back from there? Delivery is the end of life, and in the after-delivery there is nothing but darkness and silence and oblivion. It takes us nowhere.”
“Well, I don’t know,” said the second, “but certainly we will meet Mother and she will take care of us.”
The first replied “Mother? You actually believe in Mother? That’s laughable. If Mother exists then where is She now?”
The second said, “She is all around us. We are surrounded by her. We are of Her. It is in Her that we live. Without Her this world would not and could not exist.”
Said the first: “Well I don’t see Her, so it is only logical that She doesn’t exist.”
To which the second replied, “Sometimes, when you’re in silence and you focus and you really listen, you can perceive Her presence, and you can hear Her loving voice, calling down from above.”
- Útmutató a Léleknek
#Mother Mother Earth News

Do you agree that this unborn babies are clueless as to reality? They have a Heavenly Mother who loves them. I do, too. Lucky me, I have a Heavenly Father who loves me as well. (And so do you!)

This Moving Company Helps Women Leave Abusive Homes At No Cost

Here's a guy who will help you if you don't have an earthly Father who loves you. Don't tell me there are no resources for you, mothers.

Here's a lady who doesn't understand science or morality or the consequences of her choices. I feel sorry for the man who helps her enjoy herself because she doesn't respect him enough to let him make any decisions on the consequences of THEIR decision. 

If you are married and find yourselves pregnant, congratulations! I substituted "pregnant" in here. "I don't believe in abortion. Once WE'RE pregnant that baby is OURS to annoy forever." Though you should also put in love, teach, protect, educate, etc.

Here's a picture of a group that cares so much about unborn babies and their health that they beg mothers not to take even a single drop of alcohol because of the effect it can have on that baby's future development and happiness. I support a group like that.

Pregnant women, if you find yourself pregnant and don't want to care for a baby or feel you are not able, I feel sorry for you. But there are plenty of other options, even though you may not feel like it and the media tells you otherwise. Planned Parenthood is not helping you. Your baby deserves better. 

If your dad or male relative got you pregnant, there are medical doctors who can help you with that. There are people who would love to adopt your baby. There are mandated insurance policies that will help you provide for yourself. Sure, I'll thank the Democrats for that at the time being. Whatever.

Because I saw this video today and I felt ashamed. Ashamed of the moral decay in America and the pitiful example we are to humanity around the world. 

http://www.c-span.org/video/?c4550358/gianna-jessen

This video is about a lady who survived an abortion. How it messed her up because the saline solution used to abort her was supposed to burn her both inside and outside her body while still in the womb. She survived 18 hours of this burning and was finally born alive. Less than 30 weeks gestation. Don't tell me that wasn't life altering for her. Don't tell me that Planned Parenthood would now call the hospital and try to save this BABY that was born whole. No, Planned Parenthood would counsel the pregnant mother much earlier to get an abortion. Hey, maybe they could then harvest organs for profit! Disgusting!

And yet one more. For all of us grown ups...parents...all of us with our own special needs who have children (or a child or a child wannabe) with their own special needs, then you have this ridiculousness to look forward to.

No one said life would be easy...it's just worth it. Please value all life. Please.

Thank you for reading.

Home  

Shake It, well...at least I didn't fall down!

Yep, I'm back to posting videos on youtube. Still not famous. That's fine by me. Still not in chronic pain...yeah baby! I'll shake what my momma gave me because I finally can. I'm not trying out for Dancing With The Stars, though can you imagine?! Yikes! Me in those outfits, umm, no!

So here's the update from my chronic pain doctor appointment yesterday. Surprise, surprise she had no fax of the IQ psycho test results in my file. You know, the ones that were faxed over to them over a week ago? Ha, but I came prepared and pulled the report right out of my bag/purse. I call that thing "the cave of wonders" for a reason. My husband thinks the bigger the purse the bigger the woman. Whatever...he loves putting his wallet, sunglasses, etc in there, too.

It took her a good 15 minutes to read through it all. She frowned and kept out the page that had the summary that I blogged about. The one that made me cry. I did my best not to interrupt her while she read...you know that is very very hard for me since I say whatever I am thinking...so I did my best not to watch her so I wouldn't think. But really, how can I not watch when I've been dying to hear her take on these results for such a long time?!?

She agrees that she doesn't think I'm bipolar. She does agree that SOMETHING happened in my brain that last treatment. Something we'll never be able to quite explain and she is very very sorry about that. She's never had another patient have that effect, though she has had 2 other patients with hallucinations bad enough that they will never have the IV infusions again, either. She is sure to mention us in all her conversations with other patients who want to try these experimental "cocktails". I will never be one of them again. (Let's hope I never need one of them again!)

Besides being more aggressive when it comes to my verbalization, besides being more forgetful, more argumentative when I feel pressured, having no desire for food or food cravings, not caring about the consequences of my behavior as much, yada yada yada, those are the negatives. The positives are that I'm no longer in chronic pain, I now take only one prescription medication every day, the pain clinic has counselors if I ever want to talk to one (no thank you, I'm done paying to talk to people), she personally likes the New Me, yada yada yada. I got my 3 month prescription for antidepressants and walked out of there canceling my appointment next month.

I feel like I've gotten discharge papers! I'm free! I'm free! No more appointments every single month for medication refills. No more poking and prodding and asking me my pain levels. No more worrying about whether I'll get a DUI every time I drive because I'm on level 2 drugs. No more worrying about getting them stolen or lost or expiring. No more having to use the same pharmacy 45 minutes away because it's cheapest and I have to use the exact same one every single time.

Adios! I didn't even have to take a urine sample test...I didn't have to make a copay because I've hit my out of pocket maximum for the entire family...all by myself! Isn't this wonderful news?

Really, I do mean that. Unless the chronic pain comes back. But with me shaking it like my video, I hope to keep the fibromyalgia at bay.

Oh yeah, one more big time negative. THE BIGGIE. In her opinion I have some sort of PTSD type block that causes all this mental stuff. Something so bad happened that I am blocking it out because I don't want to deal with it or something. She's pretty sure I can "break thru that block with counseling" but I don't want to.

Why? I don't want to go back to being who I was 6 months ago. In chronic pain on tons of drugs unable to shake my money maker because I was drugged up in bed or wanting to sleep all day because I hurt. No thank you! I'd rather be carefree and stress free and babbling and agreeing to disagree with people on Facebook all day about politics or whatever.

Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart...And Being Pain Free Makes Me Very Very Happy!

Have a great day! Shake it y'all :)

Light

Light...isn't it amazing how many different meanings this one word can have? My Light Up The Sky post has gotten more views than anything I've ever posted.Granted it's been only a month since I've been blogging but, well, you know.

I'm curious as to what light means to other people. Here are some ways I would describe it...heat, warmth, guiding, happy, safe, knowledge, technology, education, peace. Now 6 months ago (and sometimes still) light can also mean pain. Too much light...heat, education, technology...that can give me headaches still. As I'm sure it does to any/everyone else, too.

So let's contrast that with dark. Here are ways I describe dark: scary, fear, anger, turmoil, cold, oppressive, confined, stillness, questions, lack...always a lack of something. A lack of light, wouldn't you say? (Though again I have to admit that when I'm in pain (mental or physical) sometimes I really crave darkness. Why? It helps migraines go away and sometimes when I'm really grouchy and argumentative it's just best to give me a time out. You know what I mean.)

Why would someone choose darkness over light? Obviously I choose it when I'm in severe pain. Or I want to sleep. Or be left alone. How about you? Why do you choose darkness over light?

When people "like" what I've shared on Light Up The Sky I'm hoping it's because they can see light in my attitude. Light in my step. Light in my eyes. I'm sure feeling all that now and I sure wasn't 6 months ago!

So why aren't I singing the praises of my ketamine infusion? So many other people comment and post on Light Up The Sky that they are recovering addicts. They were trapped in darkness for years and years, some of them. Most tell the story that they had a hard childhood or something traumatic happened to them and that is why they turned to drugs...or whatever their addiction is/was. But somehow or other they were able to see the Light and get off the path of addiction. Why wouldn't I want to help them in that if they are turning to drugs because of chronic pain (migraines, fibromyalgia, depression)? 

I've given that more thought today and it's because that isn't my first choice for fighting addiction. Fighting drug addiction or chronic pain or depression is VERY REAL! But look closely at so many of those other posts. Most of them turn to a different "light" other than drugs. And that is what ketmaine treatments are. 

What is the Light so many others turn to? Most of you probably won't check back to see since Light Up The Sky is a private page. Many show mug shots. Or of themselves passed out or stoned. That was my first picture...though I was "stoned" in a controlled office environment. But no, many many many also point to a different "light"...The light of religion. And since I'm American and I think most of those posts are from other same minded Americans, most I've seen start praising Jesus.

Is that what I've been leading up to? Yes, I guess so. That is where I would advise you turn to first if you are experiencing any of the things I've experienced. That's where I would tell an addict of ANY kind to turn...turn to Christ. Turn to God. That is your number one defense against darkness. It is better than any counseling, any medication, any physical therapy, chiropractor, massage therapist, surgery, yada yada yada. Trust me, this I can testify...I have turned to each and every one of those other things and none of them are as effective as the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Darkness is evil. Darkness is not happy making. Darkness does not help with what ails you in the long run. That is Satan, the opposite of light. 

Would you agree? 

If you REALLY want to know how to turn to Jesus I CAN help you. How? I don't even know you and you don't know me. I'm a stranger in the world wide web. Well guess what? You've found me. Something has led you here. I can continue to be a stranger to you. That's fine. I'm not going to convince you of anything, you have to do that on your own. I'm not your doctor, your religious adviser, your friend/acquaintance/relative/neighbor, etc in most cases. But I AM your sister in Christ and because of that I love you and want you to have the peace and happiness I feel when I am not surrounded by pain.

And that, friends, is why I encourage you to check out lds.org over any other treatment option. Lds.org has free addiction recovery programs throughout the world. They don't care what your addiction is...drugs, alcohol, tobacco, porn, sex, etc. These are volunteers who want to help you first find the Light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. 

Those of you who still need help from Light Up The Sky...please go there. Your mug shots and stoner shots are heartbreaking. I don't want you suffering pain...mental or physical...like I've suffered. 

Pain does not equal happiness. This I know. And with that, I wish y'all a happy Sabbath :)

Light Up the Sky

Light up the Sky

Have you seen this all over Facebook? Here's why I do, I was invited and accepted. Here is the description: 

9pm EST **THIS IS NOT A PUBLIC GATHERING** Let's light up the sky for the ones we've lost due to addiction, and for those who may still be struggling or have been lucky enough overcome the struggle of addiction. Drugs have a hold on you that no one can explain, and it can happen to anyone! We are losing way to many mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, etc. because of this epidemic. So please turn your porch light on or light some candles outside and say a little prayer for those we've lost or those who are still struggling. Please invite your friends to join in, let's light up the whole sky! We will do this every month on the 25th!!

I happened to post today on there today. Here is my post:

I've already been asked what drugs I take and what the treatment was. Yikes! I've just sent them the link to this blog. Because I still don't recommend it. Just because I've decided not to worry about what the doctor's say/think I can only do that until Tuesday. Because that's when I have my next appointment with the chronic pain clinic. I'm not really looking forward to what she has to say about my prescription choices. For now I'm going to say NO to more drugs...unless she talks me into it.

Right now I only take one prescription drug...generic prozac because it's cheaper than name brand. But now I'm choosing to take tons of vitamins and supplements instead. Why? To help me sleep so I don't wake up with terrible leg cramps. I never had those before. To help my digestive system be regular. TMI, I know, but if anyone from Light Up The Sky actually reads this (or any woman probably) you know that is a VERY REAL issue.

I've gone from these

 To these. But that's ok with me, only one of those is still prescription and that's how I want to keep it.

Because it is keeping me happy enough to be able to take one of these:

Another Day in the Life

Today I decided to not worry about doctor notes and/or appointments. I have one of them coming up on Tuesday...hopefully she'll have read the report, too. In the meantime, why worry about what she'll have to say? It is what it is. So here's some copy/paste about what I've done today. And thanks for all of your, uhh, compliments? That's how I choose to take it because hey, I've had over 60 views on my "Watch Me" youtube video without any thumbs down. Don't worry, I'm still ready to take fame and fortune...even if it means people give me thumbs down. :)

So I decided not to sit around and wait for the government to give me disability or something because I wouldn't even qualify. What fraud investigator would believe I was disabled when I'm climbing up ladders and scrounging...I mean couponing...or making friends with neighbors to meet my social/emotional needs? Yes, you'll have to have read previous posts to understood what I mean by that.

Here are some copy/pastes of how busy I was on Facebook today. I know some of you aren't friends with me on there. And after seeing these you might want to keep it way. I understand. But I'm saving some of the best for last. My attempt at comedy. Maybe that's how I should make my fame and fortune instead? Nah, I doubt it.

Now come on, isn't that a great little story I wrote? I obviously think/thought so. Remind me to not have my kids apply for the University of Tennessee. Are they trying to sound French or something?

Last but not least is this super cute tutu outfit I am working on for a little girls first birthday. No, that isn't the finished product...yet. But it is a made to order apron to go over a dress I already had made. I can not wait to see it on her! I'm sure I'll be posting pics of it, too.

Oh wait! The even better thing is that this evening I went to a church meeting/party/get together with my youngest daughter (I called her my designated driver in case I got too sick) that was ONLY WOMEN. In a small confined room. Yeah, so what? Are you kidding me?!? It's been 7 years since I've done that!!!!!!!  So much fun. Thank you Amanda for driving me and going with me. There was one more girl her age there, too. I don't think I embarrassed them too bad. She's my daughter, that's my job, right?

Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart...even when you embarrass yourself and/or your daughter!

Being Happy is Better Than Being Smart

Well, well, well

I happened to be out and about so I stopped by the dr's office to get the results. David says the Dr was spot on. I agree...he should be. This is his specialty, right?

Here's an overview...Fascinating...I'd love to have one of these done on my husband, too. Then I can talk over with him how much he has changed since we were first married, too.

Verbal Comprehension                                  55% percentile
Perceptual Reasoning                                     30% percentile
Working Memory                                          30% percentile
Processing Speed                                            97% percentile
Full Scale IQ                                                    58% percentile

I guess that means I'm fast by not accurate because I can't remember what I've been taught/shown/told.

But wait, there's more!

Auditory Memory                                              42% percentile
Visual Memory                                                  23% percentile
Visual Working Memory                                   77% percentile
Immediate Memory                                            34% percentile
Delayed Memory                                               25% percentile

Uh oh, don't expect me to remember anything you showed me recently.

Here's the paragraph my husband thinks is spot on.
"Ms. Peart's responses to the PAI reflect the likelihood of some positive impression management. She tends to present herself in a consistently favorable light and as being relatively free of common shortcomings to which most individuals will admit. She appears reluctant to admit minor faults and may be uncritical of her own behavior and insensitive to negative consequences associated with her behavior. She may tend to minimize problems and the effect that those problems had on her life or the lives of others. Given these defensive tendencies the interpretations below should be considered tentative." Ouch!

But then this, "In spite of her defensiveness however, her responses indicate several problems. These include preoccupation with sensory functioning, unusual sensory motor problems, frequent routine physical complaints, heightened activity level, physical signs of depression, disruptions in thought processes, unsual ideas or beliefs, physical signs of anxiety, low frustration tolerance, tension and apprehension, rumination, and worry, moodiness, thoughts of death and suicide, stress, poor sense of identity, and sensation seeking behavior. However there are no indications of negative impression management. Her clinical profile suggests that she has a history of drug use (most likely referring to the ketamine treatment) and is experienceing a number of problems that may be related to that." Huh? I minimize problems but show signs of serious problems? I may not SAY i have them but they show up to a professional. Yet this is sensation seeking behavior?

And then this, "She appears to ruminatively preoccupied with physical functioning and health matters and severe impairment arising from somatic symptoms. ... She likely believes that her health problmes are complex and difficult to treat successfully. ... She is likely to be continually concerned with her health status and physical problems. Her social interactions and conversations may tend to focus on those."

Umm, yeah!?! My interactin with you, dear dr, is because i can't remember stuff. I can't follow a recipe. I can't balance my checkbook. I don't know or care if i am hungry or not. So is this attention seeking behavior or real because before the treatment this spring I could do all of those things...without having to be told or reminded of how to do it?!?
Does this mean y'all need to stop asking me how I'm doing? Am i focusing too much on my health problems? Because this came next:
"...Her self-concept is generally positive. She is typically confident and optimistic. Ms Peart appears to have strong needs for affiliation and positive regard from others. Her behavior may be viewed as times as attention seeking or dramatic. Her needs for attention and affiliation may be strong enough that the quality of her social interactions is less important than their quantity."

Mixed thoughts on that one. Right now I'm bawling truthfully. So I have a good self worth somehow after years of chronic pain. But I'm not supposed to talk about it? I'm not supposed to worry about? Am I attention seeking by writing a blog or saying Hi to people on facebook? That is the only way I can communicate with a lot of people. I DO have heightened senses or else fragrances wouldn't make me so darn sick. I'm not making it up for attention. At least I KNOW i'm not but I'm not sure if he thinks it.

So here is the bottom line. Diagnostic Impressions:
1. Somatic symptom disorder
2. Depersonalization/derealization disorder, provisional
3. Drug-induced bipolar disorder, with onset after administration of ketamine, most recenet episode manic, provisional

Wiki it. Google it. I'm about ready to be declared disabled so I can let the government pay me each month for sitting around being depressed. So I can quit going to doctors for their opinions since they'll only give me drugs that make me bipolar. I obviously can't work...who knows, I might not even remember I have a job! If I do the math right I tend to remember something visually only 25% of the time. And less than half the time if you tell me. Does that sound like someone who can hold a job to you?

And now I KNOW my symptoms are returning. I FEEL them. This ketamine treatment worked for less than 3 months yet I'm stuck with these "Diagnostic Impressions". No folks, definitely not worth it!

Being happy is better than being smart. I'm neither right now. You'd better not come to me for happy making since I'm totally blue. And kind of seeing red.

Yep, death and dying looks really good right about now. Why? Because I believe in a resurection. Maybe then I can spell better or really care enough to take the time to hit spell check. Nah, I won't need it then, will i? I don't even care about capitalization right now in my verbal/written vomitting.

Thanks for following along and listening to my ... what? Whining? Complaining? Fear? Sorry if you don't like hearing about it. That kind of DOES consume my life. It kind of has since 2006. Just imagine that and tell me you wouldn't be more preoccupied with what happens after this life than most. It's kind of a miracle I haven't commited suicide actually. I know people who have. Both been successful and not. I'll never do it. But I don't fear death. I kinda want it.  Peace, love, and happiness.

Whatever. I'm fine. I'm perfect. I'm normal. all "bad words" to my way of thinking because they are meaningless.

But Dave tells me to wait and hear what the other doctors have to say. Yeah. I'll do that. They'll have to call me...i'm not running to their door to hear their suggestions...to pay them more money...to feel like i'm attention seeking. Because then I'd feel like I needed to tell you.

:(