Words

There's a new 4 letter word...an F word...in my vocabulary now. One I don't like. I don't like to say it and I definitely don't like hearing it. Why? It has no meaning to me anymore. Hey, I'm trying to be happy, not smart, so I'm going to play around with words today. And maybe you'll come to the same conclusion I have...I'm smarter than y'all think!

God, Jesus, David, family, friends, covenant, promise, religion, Father, good, bad, Satan, evil, righteous, judgement, safety, peace, anger, violence, protection, dam, damn, hell, fine, ass, homosexual, transgender, pansexual (I knew one I read about last night), absolutes, male, female, choice, consequence, health, disease, consequences, fairy, gay, happy, fag, cigarette, sickness, sadness, death, son, daughter, heaven, questions, fear, normal, perfect.

Shall I go on? I'm learning that playing around with words can be quite...fun...scary...confusing. What in the world am I talking about? I know this is what you are thinking.

Words are words. They are meaningless unless they have meaning behind them. Unless they have action behind them. If you can't trust them then what good are they? If you don't know what they mean what good are they? (They asked me a bunch of them on IQ tests. When they got to pillattes...or something like that...I started making stuff up. Sounds like a fancy word for Pilates doesn't it? The tester laughed and told me it meant to stretch...I think. I laughed as I tried to talk him into giving me at least partial credit...what do ya'll think Pilates is all about? And later when I need to stretch I told him I needed a second for a pillattes. There you go, my sense of humor in a stressful situation.) Words have so many different meanings based on your life experiences, your education, your culture, your attitude, your religion, and yes, sometimes the words you use or don't show how much money you have.

More money often equals more words and more education. But guess what? This is the new age of technology. If you are reading this you have access to the internet. Google or research what big words mean. Use them if you want. Make people believe you are smart, educated, rich, or whatever it is that is most important to you. In the long run people don't care what you say if you don't have action to back it up.

What am I ranting about now? I'm not ranting. I'm trying to explain that my words have meaning to me when I say them. My new F word that I've told people to stop using around me is FINE. I've come to hate that word. Gasp! I'm being judgemental (sp and I don't care) of a word! I'm using harsh language because I said HATE. Guess what? You are stupid if you fall into that trap of absolutes. Gasp! I said another bad word to some people...STUPID. Guess what? That word doesn't have the same conotation (again with the spelling) to me and I don't care if it offends you. Get over it. Or not. Don't use it in your household. I really don't care.

Back to FINE. What does that mean? OK? Alright? So So? Don't ask me how I'm feeling. I've been taught to put a number to that. "What is your pain level?" remember? Don't ask me how I think when it comes to something you've done. Why? Because I probably won't use the easy 4 letter word of FINE. I can't use short words to save my life anymore since my treatment. FINE doesn't mean good or bad. I need more words attached to that to tell me what you really think. If I use FINE when I speak to you right now that means I've talked till I'm blue in the face and I'm fed up with you not listening. Or understanding. Or trying to. FINE. WHATEVER. LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M DONE DEALING WITH YOU. That is what FINE means to me any more. So stop using it when you talk tome, too. Please.

One more new bad word for me because it has no meaning. PERFECT. What does that mean? Heaven? Hell? Or lack thereof? Does that mean your kids are healthy? Beautiful? Does that mean you are healthy, beautiful, thin, you have plenty of money, you are happy, or what? There is no PERFECT anymore. Good night, folks, look around you! Who has a PERFECT life? Not me. Not you. Who has PERFECT kids? Mary. And she only had one PERFECT child. He wasn't like the rest of us. His name was/is Jesus. Or Jehovah. Those are words I've seen thrown around. You know there are tons more. Sorry if that is a bad word to you nowadays. I really don't care. It is a loving, happy, peaceful, judgmental, happy making word to me. And I'll say it over and over again...I feel sorry for you...I feel pity for you...I feel sad for you...I feel love for you...even if you do or don't believe in His name.

Stop talking to me about perfection. You'll never attain it. I'll never attain it. If you think my life is "perfect" because I can blog when I want you are a fool. If you think my life is perfect because I'm no longer taking 10 prescription medications but I now take almost that many pills everyday to stave off chronic pain you are a fool. If you think I'm perfect because I look like Barbie or use big words or because I try to be happy...well, thank you! You're my new best friend :)...but really, you are a fool.

Perfect doesn't mean anything on this earth because it is a myth. You won't find it. I won't find it. Perfect is a figment of your imagination. No one has a perfect life. They want more money. They want more education. They want a forever family. People to love them no matter what. People to take care of them when they need help. AC. Modern technology. Doctors. Safety. Unconditional love. And sure, who doesn't want to look beautiful? That is perfect to me. Oh, let us not forget PAIN FREE.

That isn't going to happen for me. That isn't going to happen to you. Stop thinking I have a perfect life. I know you don't. I'm not here to judge. I'm hear to talk.

The end of my early morning musings. Have a great Sunday, folks! To me it is a day of peace and rest where I can focus on religion. Hallelujah! I need me one of those days every week. Thank you, God, Father in Heaven, Jesus, America, or whatever/whomever...for letting me take this day every week!